Dear XTC,
Thank you for this day. Not a lot is going on. I went to a CGAA meeting last night. I think I want to get a sponsor and do the 12 steps. Not sure though. I already did step one, but I did it by myself, so does that count? I hit bottom, and turned to God. Admitted my life was unmanageable, and that I was powerless to control my gaming. So I asked him for his help. Now he’s helping me with self-control. I don’t want to game as much. I deleted W. from my PS4. One issue is that it plays DVDs, so I would like to use it for that, but not sure it’s wise.
Today is day one, again. I logged on yesterday for about 5 minutes. I just didn’t want to play it anymore? Am I as bad off as the others? Or merely have that potential?
What about GM? I tried to explain the idea of taking a break from Warframe. I don’t think he quite understood. We had some trolls in the meeting lounge, but they were expelled. Why would people harrass others that are trying to get well? I don’t understand it.
Anyway, I’m wondering if I can repurpose Re:Gaia. Not change it, but give it a vision for the future. Since videogames were such a big part of my life for a long time, maybe I can make the comic as a way to examine them critically, cause people to question what the media and industry tell them about games. Offer a different perspective.
I know I can’t really talk about it in meetings, except to say, “Oh, yeah, I’m making a comic,” but not to promote it, as that’s not the place or purpose.
Maybe I should make a different comic, but the poll on fb suggested most people liked the idea of Re:Gaia. I think I should work on it today. I need to add more to the script though. I’ve only got a few pages of it left. And I think for Emily’s birthday, I may need to add some writing or comics or something. I’ve got her little pieces of things, an although I want to publish them, she’s making me another great gift full of thought and hard work. Just to get her a present I bought her doesn’t seem right. I want to add to her gifts, so she knows I care about her as much as she does me.
I never saw myself as a person who could be in a romantic relationship. Is she part of the reason I want to do better? There are other reasons, my health, my other relationships, my pets, my art, writing, and cartoons, which all suffer under gaming. Guess I’ll have to see.
However, I’m optimistic.
Trem