Dear Father,
Thank you for this day. Not a lot is going on. I’m supposed to hang out with Ta. sometime today. I think playing Warframe is changing me. I was offered an extra shift and turned it down yesterday. It’s true that I had to hang out with Ta., but did I unconsciously want to game?
I’m playing with Tr. and G.M. and V. Sometimes it feels pointless. It’s fun to play with them, but I think if I were alone, I would get bored of Warfame. So do I pray that? I have so much to do today, spending time with family, and friends and pets. I just don’t want to lose control, or cause pain as a result of my gaming. That’s my fear, Lord. Please prevent that, or change my heart so that I change my ways, if that’s Your will.
Sometimes when I do well, I think that I have better access to God. When I feel down or guilty, I feel like he’s farther away. God hasn’t moved, I have. And my standing with Him is because of Jesus’ atonement, not my being better or worse.
I think of all the addicts out there. Addicted to drugs, sex, gambling, whatever. I feel like I am addicted to gaming. I am functional, but is it enough? Paul says,”All things are permissible for me, but not all things are beneficial. All things are permissible for me, but I will not be mastered by anything,”
Am I a slave to God or gaming? And which do I know to be better. I know I want to serve God, but my flesh is fighting me harder than ever. Maybe I’m giving into it in little ways? Maybe this gaming is just a continuation, a series of small defeats, giving into it in ways I didn’t realize.
God, please help me, help me to do Your will, to fight the flesh with the help of your Spirit, and love You and my neighbors and other believers.
Trem